Saturday, August 19, 2006

We All Need Some Affirmation

Have you been feeling used and abused at your place of work? Don't wait for your boss to notice the good job that you are doing. Give yourself the positive strokes that you need today. Just strap on your IMMAT (remember they are on sale this month at the low low price of $6.67) and visit our bonus page: the IMMAT Automatic Flatterer.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Are You Living A Dream?

These men are. Go here to learn more about cat herding:

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Methane Man Exposed

One of the IMMAT testimonials sent to me was by an individual who calls himself "Methane Man." Through some undercover detective work, I recently discovered Methane Man's true identity. Go here to discover the startling truth.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

They're Flying Off The Shelves!!

The new IMMAT bands have arrived this month and have proven to be a popular item among those "in the know." The testimonials we continue to receive attest to the power of the IMMAT band. (We have received word that even Oprah Winfrey is looking at the IMMAT as a tool for stress relief and anti-aging. We expect to be on a show in the future....we'll keep you posted.

As stated before, the mental and physical improvements attributed to IMMAT are truly revolutionary (see comments under the first blog entry). IMMAT beats illegal steroid usage, hands down.

And remember to send me an email at: to get the link for IMMAT at the low, low August sale price of $6.67.

Don't miss out. GET YOURS NOW!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

A Jellyfish Day

Next time you have a bad day at work ... think of this guy, Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.
I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my butt started to burn I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

And so now, whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!