Sunday, July 23, 2006

It Makes My Ass Tired Grand Opening

I've decided that a blog should be included as a special part of our website grand opening. Feel free to write about the things that make your asses tired....but keep it gentle or I'll delete you all. :-)

Also don't forget to send in your IMMAT testimonials. Stress relief never seemed so good.

7 comments:

JDBarton said...

Having been the proud owner of the Beta version of IMMAT, I want to thank my old friend for the privilege and attest to it's value. With minimal practice you will be able to sit thru patently absurd meetings and smile. Nothing can bother you unless you lose focus. That is the true value...it's right there and all you have to do is chant the IMMAT mantra, grab your bracelet and focus returns. I would caution the casual user not to wear two. While you might think this would better serve both cheeks...it may bolster your relief to the point of giddiness or hysteria...hard to explain. Another caution, best not to respond to "What is making you so happy?" with "My ASS ISN'T TIRED!"

Anonymous said...

I too derive comfort from the IMMAT, Indiana being my domicile. I don't don the corporate mantle, but have many stories from my personal life where the IMMAT saved my ass. It's so easy to use! I just put it on and go. The mantra has become second nature. Road rage is gone. The tendency to axe murder...gone. The alcoholic binges, frequenting the seedy strip clubs, the gambling, the street drugs, the propensity towards prostitut...Oh. Sorry. Anyway, it's unbelievable. I encourage anyone who hasn't tried it to give it a go. It will change your life too. I'm sure glad I did!

C.Davis, mommy of 3. (aka snoop dog's bitch)

Methane Man said...

I have found that my ass has been tired more and more frequently in recent days. Consequently, I have been using my hand (in public) to rub my posterior for relief. Although this self-soothing technique has kept me from suffering from a tired ass, I have made my friends disgusted and afraid.

Your new IMMAT wrist bands will literally save my "ass" from embarr"ass"ment and possible commitment in the local psychiatric facility. Rubbing this handy wrist band is something that I can do anywhere, any time, and in any company.

Great thinking!

IMMAT said...

As many users already know, IMMAT bracelets have been instrumental in helping many people avoid psychiatric commitment. Studies indicate that IMMAT bracelets also provide a variety of health benefits---namely, lower blood pressure, improved cortisol levels and other anti-aging benefits. Several double-blind medical studies are currently documenting the benefits of IMMAT. The results of this research will be forthcoming.

Lt. James PC said...

Year after year after year, my ass has been shrinking from sitting in those comfortable boardroom chairs while listening to impressive presentations....."not."

After receiving my IMMAT bracelet, I can truthfully say....my ass has gotten bigger and I now ENJOY those inane meetings. Thank you so much!

I'm now off to another "bored" meeting...and feeling GOOD about it! Again, thank you Sandy for helping me get my ASS back!!! You saved my life/ass...and with this new product I just may be here for another 30 YEARS!!!

Not responsible for subliminal messages.

BK (aka "Don't Touch Me") said...

WOW! What a difference an IMMAT makes!

First, a little background: I'm a 23-year-old male, 6'4" tall, slim and muscular with a full head of wavy hair ... who is cleverly disguised as a 40 year old couch potato, balding, overweight, and a little "under tall" ..some might say, "vertically and horizontally challenged." Man, I tell you, my ass was so tired from growing older. I've seen infomercials about all kinds of miracle products, hair clubs, and shoe inserts, but nothing ever seemed to work for me. A friend of mine suggested IMMAT. I put on the IMMAT bracelet and noticed the very next day..... that I was absolutely no taller, I had lost 67 more hairs (hey.... when it starts to go, you notice these things) and thanks to the buffet, I had probably gained a pound or three. I looked down at my wrist, rubbed my IMMAT, and realized I REALLY DON"T CARE!!! My dogs still love me, my wife and kids still tolerate me, and my friends, if I had any, would just have to accept me for who I am. How about that for a revelation?

I showered (and lost 30 more hairs), got dressed (in my seemingly shrinking clothes), and went to work. Immediately, I was called into a meeting. Not just ANY meeting, but a meeting to plan when we are going to have a meeting.... that's right, we were in a meeting, trying to decide when a good time would be for all of us to get together and have a meeting....without a doubt "it made my ass tired." ....As my eyes rolled up in the back of my head, and my ass went numb, I looked down at my trusty IMMAT and had a brainstorm. I made an abrupt jerking motion, (kind of like I'd been shocked, or maybe it looked more like a seizure). I reached down, picked up my pager (the one that hasn't worked for a year and a half), and announced, "I'm sorry, whatever you all decide is OK with me, I have to take this." I then promptly left the room. Such ingenuity clearly came as a result of "de-stressing" with my IMMAT.

Thanks again IMMAT. Because of you, my ass may never be tired again!

Serenissima said...

IMMAT has given me back my sanity....

Without naming the state, let me say that bureaucracy reigns wildly but not well here. Two examples will do. In the motor vehicle bureau, the managers were instructed to remove the clocks from the walls. Yes,really. Apparently the Commissioner didn't know that citizens now carry watches, and can figure out how long they have to wait for service. Waiting one's turn isn't so bad (service is steady, and employees are pleasant), but contemplating that some idiot (paid with my tax dollars) is making that sort of policy decision makes me steam. My IMMAT band soothes me sufficiently, so that when leaving the bureau I am completely free of road rage.

Secondly, an office which exists to help people with a particular social problem has a VIP who has a "One Way -- Mine" sign in his office. So, problem solving outside the box is a vice. And success achieved unconventionally is, well, invisible. This perspective challenges even the awesome strength of the IMMAT salute. You can imagine that the IMMAT band gets twisted nearly to its breaking point, but then, astonishingly, twisting somehow releases the resting power of IMMAT. The IMMAT band is quite simply the equivalent of chamomile tea!

Thanks again, IMMAT! With your help, I am sure I can now avoid commitment!